You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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