did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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