when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
