there's paper in my vomit.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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