Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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