As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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