I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
