You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
