Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You can't special order awesome
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
