chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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