CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
