She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I need a beard to bite.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
