big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
