are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
