how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
