The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We are two peas in an std pod
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
