do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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