me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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