Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
