I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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