ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
