when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
