I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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