Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
