I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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