I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
