Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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