I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
