I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize