I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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