I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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