he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize