the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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