just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
