i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
