i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
