so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
