Do you still have your period?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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