I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
