Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
