Moan for me like Helen Keller
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
