So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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