hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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