Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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