Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
