"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
