thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
