you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So much rum. So many feels.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
