youre lurking in front of me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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