In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
