I think scott just propositioned me for sex
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
