Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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