i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
