O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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