Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
