All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My penis needs a shock collar
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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