Having a random hookup so left but love u
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
