when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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