i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
