I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
