if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What a dumb baby whore.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
