Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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