turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
