he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
