So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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