i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
