why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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