Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
