my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
