All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
