You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
