if you like me you must not know who I am
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
