Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
